Wednesday Gumbo

It’s time for a little fais-do-do and stirring the pot…here’s your gumbo for Wednesday.

1.     I love to heckle umpires.  It’s part of the game of baseball.  I used to umpire high school and collegiate games, and I’ve had my fair share of being heckled.  Probably the worst are mommas…they can wear out an umpire.  And, how can you respond to a mother…throw her out of the stands?  Hardly.

There are a couple of rules involved in heckling an umpire, and being an umpire receiving the heckling.

As the heckler, don’t get personal.  He’s there to call the game, and while he may not be doing a great job, there is some judgement involved here.  We heckle the umpiring, not the umpire!

As the hecklee, don’t acknowledge the comments from the peanut gallery.  Just laugh inside your mask at the more creative ones.  But, if the fans see you react to their jibes, it’s like ‘chum in the water’…the sharks will be unmerciful.

So, here’ my  favorite list of heckles I’ll be using at some games this season.  And, if you want some more, here’s the complete list.

  • I thought only horses slept standing up!
  • To batter as he steps into the box: “You better be swinging. You’re standing in the strike zone.”
  • After the ump has dusted off home plate: “You’re gonna make someone a great wife someday!
  • You’re not gonna sleep a minute tonight because you’ve slept all game.
  • How’s he going to learn if you keep giving him the answers? (to Ump after appeal)
  • Hey Ump, how can you sleep with all these lights on
  • Get a hammer and some nails, the plate is movin’ around!
  • Did your glass eye fog up?
  • You couldn’t get a pitchout right
  • You need to go to confession after that call!
  • Don’t bother brushing off the corners, you’re not calling them anyway!
  • We know you’re blind, we’ve seen your wife!
  • I was confused the first time I saw a game too
  • Can I pet your seeing eye dog after the game?
  • When your dog barks twice, its a strike!
  • Be careful when you back up, so you don’t fall over your dog!
  • The circus is in town and the clowns are wearing blue!
  • Its a strike zone, not an end zone!
  • How about asking the audience?
  • Do you want to use another lifeline?
  • What were you, a lookout on the Titanic?
  • It sure sounded like a strike!
  • Don’t donate your eyes to science, they don’t want em’
  • Pull the good eye out of your pocket
  • Do you get any better or is this it?
  • Do you travel with this team?
  • Take out your glass eye and wash it!
  • If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down
  • You’re getting better, you almost made the right call that time
  • Punch a hole in that mask, you’re missing a good game
  • I’ve seen potatoes with better eyes!
  • For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you’re doing a pretty bad job!
  • Is that your final answer?
  • Lenscrafter called…they’ll be ready in 30 min.

2.      Our friend Trevin Wax is heading up The Gospel Project.  If I remember correctly, over 5,000 churches have signed up for the pilot project.  Really good stuff!

3.       The video is probably as creative as it gets when it comes to human behavior and fun.

3.       The Atlanta Braves are retiring John Smoltz’ number. In my opinion, a class act and well-deserved recognition of a  player who did it the right way.

4.       Together for the Gospel held its conference last week…over 8,000 people attended the 3-day event.  As they always do, video and audio is posted on the link.  I encourage you to take some time to listen.

5.       Can the human body throw a 105-mph fastball?  Aroldis Chapman thinks so.

6.       You ever heard of a ‘Rube’ in baseball?

7.       The most common surnames in the majors.  Moore is the 9th most common…yours?

8.       If you follow college baseball, here’s the place to get every score, every day.

9.     April 17, 1492: Spain’s King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella give Christopher Columbus a commission to seek a westward ocean passage to Asia. Though he was also interested in wealth, Columbus saw himself as a “Christ-bearer” who would carry Christ across the ocean to people who had never heard the gospel.

10.     And, finally, a glimpse of heaven on earth.

6 Comments

Filed under Gumbo

6 responses to “Wednesday Gumbo

  1. Scott Lang

    I don’t know. The one about “We know you’re blind. We’ve seen your wife.” seems pretty personal. Funny, but personal. Also, what if he really does have a glass eye. Just saying.

  2. Vern

    Enjoyed your “heckles” though I have heard them all before. Here’s a couple more: “You’re supposed to look BETWEEN the bars on your mask!” And “I know you can hear me, RRRAAABBBiTTT!!!”

  3. Tommy Thompson

    Years ago I saw an umpire in a little league game throw the batter out of the game for disputing a strike call. The ump (who was in his late teens or early twenties) turned to us sitting right behind home plate and said, “I’m not going to let some 9 year old kid call me stupid”. Obviously that kid could have used your list to come up with a better way of voicing his objections.

  4. Tommy Thompson

    What if the congregation heckled the Worship Leader for wrong notes or words. That would be a great list all in itself. I’ll work on it next time I’m riding my lawn mower.

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